God Is Love But Satan Does That Thing With His Tongue
by Yileen
Summary: Behind every Great Man there was a woman. Leorio was indeed a great man but there was no woman behind him at the moment. But women are impossible to avoid, something he is thankful for. Just because there isn't a woman behind him now doesn't mean there was never one. In fact, there had been more than one, a few actually. By now Leorio had dealt with every kind of woman out the


Title: God Is Love But Satan Does That Thing With His Tongue

Characters: Leorio

Summary: Behind every Great Man there was a woman. Leorio was indeed a great man but there was no woman behind him at the moment. But women are impossible to avoid, something he is thankful for. Just because there isn't a woman behind him now doesn't mean there was never one. In fact, there had been more than one, a few actually. By now Leorio had dealt with every kind of woman out there.

Rating: M for Sexual Stuff ^^

A Second Note: Because I think that Leorio would make a great perv. He just has that look about him. I don't think he gets enough love.

* * *

Flame Point Red Head

He was not at fault in anyway on this one. She started the game when she walked into his office. He liked her type; she didn't care if people to remember her eye color. Maybe she did, though, but now was not the time to change your mind. But she had plenty of time to rethink her wardrobe choice. When she woke up this morning. When she picked out her outfit for the day. When she was _actually putting it on and looking at herself in the mirror_.

He already couldn't look away from her. He didn't know how well of a face he had painted on himself but he would bet that it had long washed away from the droll by now. His mouth hadn't closed since she shut the door to his office. He couldn't remember if he'd blinked in the last five or so minutes, he was too busy reminding himself how to breath. And keep things under control.

She must have been 5'10 without the 4 inch heels, but with them she was almost as tall as him. 'She doesn't need them.' He thought every time he glanced over at her. She was setting down in one of the chairs, one leg thrown over the other, foot tapping in the air. He kept his focus on the younger boy in front of him. But he could see her out of the corner of his eye.

Her hair was straight and flat against her face, the ends were curled at her waist and the roots were a bit darker a shade than the rest. His guess was she already had red hair, but she wanted something a little more bright. The way she had done her makeup made it look like she had the face of a green-eyed cat. She glared at him. And her outfit….any word to describe it would make it sound dirty.

"You Son has the flu. Nothing serious at all. He should stay in bed for the next few days and eat only a few crackers here and there. He should also drink plenty of water."

She lifted her leg up a little too high, he could see her orange panties. But by the way she walked to and from him-he guessed it was on purpose.

"Thank you Doctor. But he's my Brother, not my son." His smirk matched hers and she walked away, her Younger Brother next to her.

He wasn't too surprised when she came back, later that day at closing time. Only his secretary was left in the building, along with himself. He had seen her from outside his office window-the color of her hair and the light blue material of her too small dress was hard to miss. Even if it was five levels up.

He was a bit surprised that the orange panties were gone. He had looked forward to taking them off when she came back.

"We should do this again." She had told him. She promised she would wear panties the next time. She never did show up.

* * *

Fun Loving Blonde

He didn't understand the kind of way she thinks. It just made no sense. Leorio knew how she felt, it was the whole reason he hired her to begin with. It was a rule he had-never get romantically involved with someone you work it. It didn't matter how much fun it was it never turned out good in the end.

It wasn't a game or anything like that. He didn't know what to call it so he just pretended it wasn't there. After all they were both very professionals about it. She never brought it up and he never thought about it. Until she broke the unwritten rules and asked him. It was a week after he had sent her home and the redhead came back to the office. She looked at him straight in the eye and asked;

"Am I not cute?"

At first he didn't know what to say. He was so shocked his jaw literally dropped. No, she was cute. Very cute. Her appearance was only half of the reason why she was hired. Her, to be honest, dumb personality was the other. Being able to type, answer the phone, and schedule appointments were also considered. But Leorio can admit to himself that he was looking more at her than what she could do.

"….No….erm….cute….you are very….cute…."

He didn't know what it was about her smile but he knew he wanted to see it more.

"….I think you are a very attractive man, Leorio…."

"….I think you're very pretty, too."

"Would like to go out for some drinks…?"

"No." His answer came out quicker than he thought it would. Her face dropped just as quick. "I have a rule, you see. I don't go out with coworkers…."

"Oh, I understand then." She put on a brave smile but he could see right through it.

"You're fired."

He enjoyed her smile for five months before she moved out of the city for a job offer.

* * *

Raven-Haired Beauty

He hadn't seen her for years. The last time he spoke to her in person she wasn't even 13 years old yet. She dressed in over sized baggy clothes that were made for boys. Her hair was shopped and cut short, a haircut also made for boys. She ate like a pig, was always filthy, and spoke like a man. Sometimes he would see her fighting with the boys in their neighborhood. It was a 87% chance she would win.

Then one day he got a call. It was much too early in the morning for him to be awake. He didn't remember much about the phone call, none of it really. Luckily for him he's learned from his past mistakes and keeps a pad and pen next to his bed. And that he always remembers to write down what needs to be remembered.

The note pad only had a few things written down.

Meet at the Tappis Café

At 12:30 noon

To see Izzy.

The voice on the phone said that she was Izzy. Though the only Izzy Leorio knew could never sound so gentle and sweet. The Izzy he knew, Pietro's Sister. Because of her tomboyish ways he and his friend dubbed her as Izzy. Leorio had no idea how she'd changed through the years. But he wasn't expecting much. Izzy was the type of girl who wouldn't put on a dress if you offered her 1,000 dollars. She would beat you up and then take the money instead, just because she could.

"I'm late, I'm sorry. I must have keep you waiting. Not long I hope."

Leorio had no idea who this woman was that pulled up a chair at his table. Maybe she had confussed him for someone else. He was absolutely sure he didn't know anyone this cute. So instead of asking who she was he did what every smart man would do. Stare with a dumb look on his face.

"It's me. Izzy." Well, this is unexpected. This 23-year-old Izzy was much more attractive than the 12-year-old Izzy. She looked cute in her white and flower printed summer dress. And her hair was long, the way she tucked it behind her ears made his face hot. You sure couldn't mistake her for a boy now.

"I didn't think it would be so hard to find your phone number. But now that you're a rich and famous Doctor I should have known better."

"….Errm….No….Not at all…." And she smiles. "You've sure grown up…." It's always best to state the obvious when nothing else appropriate comes to mind.

"Lucky for me you've stayed the same. You still wear that awful 1$ men's perfume fragrance." Too much to hope for?

"I guess. But what's worse? Sticking with what works best or changing so much that-"

"And you always are talking!"

"And you're always interrupting!"

"Anyways, I've come to ask a favor."

"Oh, really?" And she smiles again.

"Can I stay at your place for a few days? Only a few. I'm waiting for a friend of mine to come into town."

"What friend? For what?"

"My wedding." That there is a shock.

"You're getting married?! To who? Who is willing to sell their soul to?! Who?"

"Emory Fryburger."

"What? The kid who use to stick your head in mud?" Wow.

"So can I? It will only be for a few days and that's it. I'll be there as a friend. It's not like we're gonna have an affair or anything." Leorio didn't remember saying yes or no. And the next few days were blurry. He didn't get much sleep, either. But he does know that they had sex quite a few times. Now she at his doorway, saying her goodbyes.

"Bye-Bye, Leorio. See you around. Keep in contact, come to the wedding."

"See ya, Isabella." He smirked when she raised her middle figure at him. He didn't go to her wedding. He hasn't spoken or heard from her since.

* * *

That Old Blue Hair

He was too late to catch her today. She was just so quick about it damn it. She did it everyday. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't. He knew it was her. He just didn't have any proof. But he would bet something he owned that it was her. She was the only one on the entire floor that had a reason to do it. Everyone else on his floor got their own. She was just a mean old woman that didn't want to pay for it.

So what does she do? She steals his. How was Leorio suppose to know what was going on in the world if that old lady next door kept on taken his newspaper?!

He missed her today but he always had tomorrow to try again. He guessed she must have been a brunette when she was younger.

* * *

Two Tones, Two Sides

There was something wrong with her. She would come into his office an average of three to seven times a month. Sometimes it was for something small like a burn. Then she would come in with broken bones, gashing slashes, and something else outrageous. There was just something wrong with this girl. But then again there was something wrong with him, too, he guessed. Something wrong with him for not being the tiniest bit cautious around her.

Everything about her was out of the ordinary. She was covered in tattoos. She wore clothes that looked like they belonged to her Little Sister. Her hair was dyed into two colors-the bottom midnight black and the top an ashy grey. Her face always was crunched up like she had just eaten a lemon. She was obviously either raised with Older Brothers or as a boy herself.

If looks could win in a fight than you had no chance of winning. And if a dirty look didn't do the job than she could probably just brake your nose with a punch to the face. From what she's shared with him about herself he learned a lot. She was the daughter of a Mafia Boss. She was raised with four Older Brothers and they all treated her like a boy from the day she was born. She liked to fight and was good at it. She was pretty much engaged to a Mafia Member but because he was cheating on her she decided to do the same.

And none of this scared Leorio at the time. Who thinks about their life when they're having too much fun in bed?

It wasn't until a dead fish wrapped in newspaper was brought to him in his office that he started to get a bit nervous. Then next time the girl with two hair colors came to him they left knowing they would never see each other again. She would find a new Doctor and he would never look for her.

They did have sex one last time, though, before she left. He sees her from time to time but only smiles. She throws up her middle figure and gives him a small smile, too.

Brunette, Brunette, Brunette

It wasn't the first time he had been with a woman that wasn't his. He found that he liked the brown haired girls. Sure he had more fun with blondes but when he was with the brunettes' they both remembered what had happened the night before. But it was rare for one to stick around long enough to talk about it. If you wanted to that is.

That was one the thing Leorio noticed about brunettes. He would find a cute one, talk to her a while, head back to his place, her place, or where ever and have fun. But when morning came they would either already be gone or walking out the door. That's how it always went with the brunettes. Rush out saying 'I promised a friend I would pick them up' or 'I have to be at work'. Except once; that woman didn't leave for hours. Though she wasn't a real brunette….

But not this time. He had been with her all last week and this week. He would go to bed with her next to him and wake up with her there, too. Leorio was actually starting to like it really. Sometimes they would sleep in late together and wake the other up to fool around. Sometimes he or she would surprise the other with breakfast in bed. Or sometimes they would just get up and get ready for work at the same time.

Until this time. He woke up and she wasn't there. She left a note, though. Saying she was sorry-but she did have fun. His wallet and new expensive suits were missing.

* * *

She Went Platinum

Years later he runs into her. It was nothing but a good joke. Blending in with that bright color of hair was ridicules. She would have had better luck getting pass him if she was riding on a Unicorn with a Santa Hat and Beard on. She'll always deny it but he will always think that she did it on purpose. He knew her. She was feeling guilty about what she had done and it was only now getting to her. That or she was looking to cheat him again.

She cries and wipes her tears. She tells him she is sorry, she was mixed in with a bad crowd-she had to do it to make them happy. She tells him that she's now broke and living on the street. She sure as hell didn't look broke. Fancy outfit, hair, nails, made up face, designer bag. No, she was not that poor if she wasn't selling her bag….unless….she was selling something else.

That next morning his wallet was gone again. Joke was on her. He didn't keep his credit cards in there. Nope. The pocket on the inside of his vest.

….

The vest that was gone.

….

There was a note. It had a smile face and said thank you. He smiles and shakes his head every time he reads it or the credit bills he's still paying off.

* * *

Picked A Plum

Leorio wasn't so sure about the idea of going out to a drinking bar. Sure it was for work but there was alcohol at bars. And there were also women at bars. And when you are already in a relationship you do not want to go to a bar with alcohol and women. They just do not mix. Unless you are single and looking to get laid. Then it's okay.

He was there with business men he worked with. He couldn't stand them, really. But they were, for a lack of a better name, the cool and popular group. They all grew up rich and were either the children of famous somebody's or just rich someone's. He couldn't remember who was which. It didn't matter really.

He was there for only 20 minutes before someone waved down a dancer to come to their table. He excused himself, having a girlfriend and all. They all said they understood and actually praised his sort of honor code. He was the only one in the group with a girlfriend. The others all had wives. And a few had mistresses.

Sometime while he was at the bar they had left. And it's just when he's about to leave. When he's alone that he sees her. She was nothing but sexy. From her dark purple hair to her pointed yellow high heels. She was nothing but sexy and she had been doing nothing but giving him 'that kind of look' from across the bar. He was surprised at first. **She **had sent **him** a drink. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Well, two drinks later they moved closer to each other. Five shots later they were laughing, smiling, and holding hands. After two more shots they were feeling _really_ good. One final shot later they left, stumbling over and holding each other up.

This went on for just a few more days. Then she returned to her husband and he returned to his girlfriend.

* * *

She's Got High Lights

He didn't know when she was going to run out of things to throw at him but he hoped it would be soon. She had upgraded from throwing pillows at him to shoes. And of course they wouldn't be just shoes. They had to be running shoes with mud on them. Flip flops with dog shit on the bottom. High heels with sharp points.

He deserved it, though. And he knew it. That's why he stood still and took it like a man. He knew how she would react and to be honest she's doing a lot better than what he feared. If he were a woman and had just heard from the lips of the one (s)he loved that yes, the person (s)he loved had been cheating for the past few days. (S)he would be cutting the crotches out of clothing. And maybe even setting something on fire.

So, this punishment, as to how it could go, was the most pitiful one. He knew it wouldn't last much longer, either. She was running out of shoes and swear words. And he knew she would either be too tired to throw something like dishes or vases. Or feel too guilty to throw anything else.

He was right. She stopped throwing items and just cried. She cried until she walked pass him in the bedroom. He would clean up the mess. It was the least he could do. She would feel better with a clean house when she came home. Because he knew she would come back.

He loved her, he really did. And she must love him. After all, she didn't take the ring off.

* * *

The Gold At The End Of The Rainbow

Leorio didn't consider himself anywhere near a man-whore. He had been with more than a couple of women but it wasn't like he had gone out every night looking for someone new to fuck. But right now he had found someone who he wanted to spend a lot of time with. Not his whole life or anything like that but a good chunk of it.

He understood she came with a past. So did he. She had been married once before, he had never been in a serious relationship for very long. She had a daughter, he wasn't too crazy about kids. Her ex-husband is a million air with a temper, he has ex-girlfriends that put hits out on him. She use to be an adult film star, he couldn't think of anything to compete with that.

It didn't really matter or mean anything. That's what he decided. At this point in the relationship, at this point with his feelings. But they would need some time away from each other. He did something bad and that was his punishment. Lanna, the woman with highlights in her hair, she would be staying at her Sister's house away from him. But he wouldn't be alone. Nope. Lanna's daughter would be there.

She was a piece of work. He didn't know what was going on in her mind or what the hell went through it when making decisions. He understood it to be a phase she would grow out of. Like him and flood pants with puffy arm shirts. He knew the fashion trends going on. She looked like she was wearing her Younger Sister's clothes, and they both of them knew she was an only child. She wouldn't go out of the house without make-up on. Leorio thought she looked more like a raccoon than a teenager.

And her hair! He was always on the lookout for little red-headed dwarfs in green suits that had a annoying accent. It was fried like cotton candy and had every color you could think of. He was pretty sure that she had even invented a few new colors. It would probably be easier to find Miyavi in the Rainbow then he would be able to find her. This was something new.

Leorio knew it was silly and not true but he still went by it. He could judge a girl by her hair color.

Blondes, natural, were not always dumb. Trusting was the word that fit better. But bleach blondes were dangerous.

Brunettes had their plans figured out and could be very sneaky.

Girls with dark and black hair were always a treat. But they were tricky, too. Not sneaky, but tricky. Seven out of eight times they were hiding something important.

Redheads were smart and knew how to get what they wanted. And they were on top of things, usually.

But never before had Leorio run into a girl that robbed a clown. This kind of situation hadn't really come up before. But he was going to go with the flow of things. He just had to share the house with her for a week. Then she would go back to her Dad's and Lanna would be back from her Sisters.

Leorio repeated all that while he watched her. She was in the kitchen blending up milk and captain crunch….burping and scratching her stomach.

Fuck this. She could have the whole house to herself. He was going to a hotel.

* * *

Okay, about this. I've heard other people call older people 'Blue Hairs'. I don't know how many of you are out there but I know you are-and I'm one of you. When I was little I told this old lady that her hair looked blue and everyone just found it funny and I still hear about it today. So instead of saying 'that gray haired old man' or 'silver haired lady' my family says 'you damn blue hair'. And the whole newspaper stealing I got from watching Fraiser. The episode where Marty sleeps against the door waiting for the newspaper thief.

And the last part at the very end was based off of Benny and Joon. Just saw that movie for the first time and I was just like wow. Hope you liked it. You don't have to like it all but I still hope you liked at least some of it.


End file.
